It's not unusual for my best offensive games occur early during the course of a season. I have less sense of fear and am more worried about learning and getting in shape. People are also more likely to give you a chance.

Our ultimate season is winding down. It's been pretty odd lately. In the A league I'm in, I think I played all of 5 points the last two games. I'm basically a role player that goes in on defense and runs his ass off. Which doesn't mean I don't do anything on offense; I think I've had a layout bid in each of the past three games. The sad thing is I didn't catch any of them. I think I've caught the frisbee 4 times this whole month and thrown it successfully maybe twice. But that's the A league.

I'm also in a B league. On that team I'm a handler and touch the disc constantly. I'm also (perhaps sadly) one of the more experienced players. We have a really young team, but they like to run and have fun so you can't complain about that. Plus I think they're all improving, so that always helps.

The difference of competition between the two leagues is fairly large, but not so large as I make it out in my head. I've lost confidence in the A league, while I don't mind taking a large role in the B league. In a way it doesn't make much sense. Both leagues play on the same fields and involve many of the same people. But there it is.

How do you get in the fold? How do you get back on the horse? How do you convince yourself to suck it up and throw caution to the wind? How can you make yourself believe that you are better than you think you are?

I'm consistently frustrated in the A league because I don't see myself playing to my potential, which leads me to play less as I'm worried that I'll mess up. The mind is a powerful thing; the more you think about screwing up (or not screwing up), odds are it will happen. Throw in a small sample size (e.g. only playing for 2 points) and the possibility of it coming true without a countering good play are all but inevitable. But recognizing this is one thing, doing something about it is another.

So, I try to pump myself up. Sort of. On some days I pray for rain. On others I can't wait to run. I haven't been able to pinpoint why or how for either.